Yet you oppose rape prevention. Odd. You seem to care more about who to blame than stopping rape.
No. I oppose rape prevention where the line peddled is 'you must avoid being raped', because that automatically places the onus and responsibility on the woman to not be rape. I oppose what is being sold in this thread because it is a means to control and dictate the actions and behaviour of women. The mere expectation and demand that a woman fights off her attacker, regardless of the fact that she may very well not want to and as was posted much earlier in this thread, in most cases of intimacy rape, rape victims won't want to hurt or harm their spouse or partner or relative, and so, they will lie there and just take it. And the demand that if women don't want to be raped then they fight back.. It is not the same. And all you have done is set the expectation that if she didn't fight back, then she either wanted it or it was not really rape. And that is so wrong and dangerous.
Because what we have in this thread are men, demanding that women act or behave a certain way to stop themselves from being raped and then having the cheek to declare it as being liberating.
As a woman who has dealt with more rape victims I care to count, who has been a victim of sexual assault by someone I trusted and cared for and who has seen the psychological and physical damage that rape and sexual assault does, your rhetoric is dangerous. Because it sets the expectation that the victim has to behave a certain way or react a certain way. And no victim will react in the same way and most won't fight it because they either know or love the person raping them and thus, do not wish to hurt them, or they are too afraid to fight back.
Expected to do? Agreed; you cannot expect anyone to react in a certain way to someone who tries to rape them.
HOPE they will do? Definitely. I hope any woman who is at risk of being raped does whatever she can to avoid it. Maybe say "you're right, I was wrong, I'll just leave now and we'll talk later." Maybe say "hey look over there!" and then run. Maybe call 911. Maybe hit them over the head with a frying pan. Maybe knee them in the nuts. Whatever works.
And what if she does not?
Because in many cases, she may actually be afraid that fighting back could make him more violent.
Perhaps, just perhaps, you should trust women to do what is right to ensure they survive? Instead of men demanding they prevent their own rapes. Because if I have to pick between dying and rape, I'll take being raped any day. And that is what is missing from this discussion, not to mention the fact that not all rapes, in fact, the minority of rapes, are stranger rapes and the majority of rapes occur in the woman's own home and her rapist is someone she knows.
Not every woman will react as you demand she should react. And again, that is entirely her call as it is she who would face that situation and would react accordingly.
But at its core, it is not the woman's responsibility to prevent herself from being raped. If she is placed in that situation, then it is her call on how she reacts. What she should not do is react as men want or demand she reacts, which is exactly what is going on this this thread.
Heck yes. Everyone should. You should do whatever you can to avoid being assaulted, raped, run over, drowned etc etc etc. YOU are responsible for the actions you take to protect yourself.
But you cannot really avoid it.
The greater majority of women will be raped by a man she knows.
So again, how can a woman avoid being assaulted or raped in her own home by a man known to her? How does she prevent it? And why should she be held responsible for the actions of another against her person?
Nope. And by the same token, if she says "sorry, you're right, I'm wrong, I'll admit that and go away" - and that avoids rape - she is not to blame either. She did the right thing; she won and the rapist lost. Shame on you for telling her it's wrong, and shame on you for trying to keep such advice from her.
By your logic, if she is raped and 'loses', then to apply your twisted argument, she obviously failed and has lost.
Do you even see how your rhetoric is dangerous? At all?
Be aware of my surroundings. Do not allow someone to get behind me in a men's room stall. Identify and avoid people who are likely to do that. Know self defense well enough to defend myself against such assaults. Don't get so drunk I can't defend myself.
I am sure you take similar precautions.
So don't drink, don't go out alone, always be wary and mindful of all the men around you (again, how can you tell who is likely to do that?)..?
But then, a woman is more likely to be raped in her own home by someone she knows and trusts. Now apply your rape prevention rules to a woman in her own home. Should she avoid the toilet, just in case? Should she constantly be aware of her surroundings in her own home? How can she identify if her husband or partner is likely to do that? What if they show no signs at all? How can she avoid it? And self defense... What about women who cannot and will not harm their spouse?
Of course I am responsible for using the urinal and pulling my pants down (if i were to do that.) Who else would be?
Of course I am not responsible for being raped.
This distinction seem to confuse and anger you. Not sure why. It's pretty simple.
So a woman who gets into her bed naked with her husband and he rapes her... Is she responsible for her actions for having trusted him? Should she avoid doing such things, because you never know?
Seriously, at what point can a woman not expect to be raped?
At what point can she actually relax and enjoy life without fear or terror of rape?
Yep. And unfortunately people like you tell such "preventionists" that if they teach self defense courses, they are blaming women for being raped.
Not at all. My issue stems from so called "preventionists" who expect and demand that women be responsible for not being raped. That women act a certain way or do certain things to prevent being raped, when the reality is that that is not always possible. Because it is about control. Keep women afraid of rape and ensure she adheres to certain behaviours and actions..
I am sorry all that stuff happened to you. I wish you had been able to fight back and avoid those experiences.
Next time someone has their arm around your throat and sticks their hand in your back pocket, I hope you have the training to fight back. That's what happened to me in Times Square in 1985; fortunately that training worked for me. It might not work for everyone - but the more tools you have in your arsenal, the more likely you are to be able to defend yourself. And again, shame on you for trying to keep them from women.
You haven't been paying attention in this thread, have you?
I have spoken to numerous seminars and self defense courses about rape and abuse. And do you know what I always told women?
"No matter what you do or don't do, it is not your fault."
Because not every person can fight back, be they
male or female victims of sexual assault and rape.
And again, not every woman is able or willing to react violently. Because:
1) She is afraid for her life.
2) She knows or is intimate with her rapist..
and so on and so forth.
