Alright, now I have a small problem here which will resolve itself over time but I want to see what you guys think anyhow.
After depending so much on my intellect to give me all the answers, to manipulate my own reality, creating my own idea of myself (very egocentric) and acting upon it, it finally got torn down by realizing that I wasn't what my idea of myself was - I really was just me acting upon my own idea of myself. I saw it at a more "objective" point of view so to speak, and a lot of my problems were solved in seeing that most of it lies in the ideas formed about reality in my mind.
Now, Buddhism says that we must not cling to these ideas that come into our minds, because if we do, we are living in just another perception - it's just an idea, and if we cling to it we can be said to be delusional, because we are acting upon our own minds - an interpretation of reality. This makes sense to me, not just because I read it out of a book and thought about it, but because life experiences have lead me to this conclusion as well (as goes with what most of Buddhism teaches). However.. I am also in school, and I have slightly lost interest (just slightly) in what they are teaching since it is knowledge, but not knowledge that I actually need to mold my perception - because I don't want to mold my perception but instead keep my mind empty of delusion. Well I'm not sure exactly where to place what I'm learning in school. Because isn't everything in school they are teaching just concepts that themselves could be faulty? It seems like what I would be learning in school would be giving me extra tools in order to define reality, but I don't feel that I really need that. Maybe the trick is just taking it for what it is and not creating an idea about it in my head, not clinging to what I am learning and molding my perception by it, but then what's the point of learning it? I don't know, I don't really see the good anymore in trying to figure something out or grasp reality by constant reasoning because no matter what I come up with, it could possibly be wrong - there is no real knowing what is right and wrong since whatever ideas I form is just another perception, although it can become exciting to discover new ideas. I do see that it would be good to be aware of certain theories and etc... but I don't want to get stuck in the rut of clinging to some idea and figuring out later I was a complete fool and that my former idea of something was really just an idea, not reality. I just don't know how to put it all into place I guess.
Blah, maybe I'm really not even exactly sure what I'm confused about, haha. But I know there is something missing (I'm ignorant of something) that needs to be cleared up in order to make the proper connection here. Any comments would be great.
Liz
After depending so much on my intellect to give me all the answers, to manipulate my own reality, creating my own idea of myself (very egocentric) and acting upon it, it finally got torn down by realizing that I wasn't what my idea of myself was - I really was just me acting upon my own idea of myself. I saw it at a more "objective" point of view so to speak, and a lot of my problems were solved in seeing that most of it lies in the ideas formed about reality in my mind.
Now, Buddhism says that we must not cling to these ideas that come into our minds, because if we do, we are living in just another perception - it's just an idea, and if we cling to it we can be said to be delusional, because we are acting upon our own minds - an interpretation of reality. This makes sense to me, not just because I read it out of a book and thought about it, but because life experiences have lead me to this conclusion as well (as goes with what most of Buddhism teaches). However.. I am also in school, and I have slightly lost interest (just slightly) in what they are teaching since it is knowledge, but not knowledge that I actually need to mold my perception - because I don't want to mold my perception but instead keep my mind empty of delusion. Well I'm not sure exactly where to place what I'm learning in school. Because isn't everything in school they are teaching just concepts that themselves could be faulty? It seems like what I would be learning in school would be giving me extra tools in order to define reality, but I don't feel that I really need that. Maybe the trick is just taking it for what it is and not creating an idea about it in my head, not clinging to what I am learning and molding my perception by it, but then what's the point of learning it? I don't know, I don't really see the good anymore in trying to figure something out or grasp reality by constant reasoning because no matter what I come up with, it could possibly be wrong - there is no real knowing what is right and wrong since whatever ideas I form is just another perception, although it can become exciting to discover new ideas. I do see that it would be good to be aware of certain theories and etc... but I don't want to get stuck in the rut of clinging to some idea and figuring out later I was a complete fool and that my former idea of something was really just an idea, not reality. I just don't know how to put it all into place I guess.
Blah, maybe I'm really not even exactly sure what I'm confused about, haha. But I know there is something missing (I'm ignorant of something) that needs to be cleared up in order to make the proper connection here. Any comments would be great.
Liz