Disclaimer: I know Sarkus personally (irl), and I now rarely post here because of what I see as James R's negative behaviour in discussions, this one being no exception.
I’m not, however, part of a “gang” (was there even an email to join one??), and I’m not speaking here out of friendship to Sarkus but to my own personal views, and from my own experience.
So, for those who aren't dismissing what I have to say out of hand, when I read through this most recent shitshow I could see exactly where things went south, and to me these seem important.
First, James R assumes Sarkus is replying to him in bad faith, assumes that Sarkus is “out to get him”, out for revenge for something or other (and is even trying to persuade others to that view).
Yet James R still responds.
As others have queried: why would someone respond to another person they think to be posting in bad faith?
Second, in his first reply to Sarkus, after a couple of casual ad hominems, and generally defensive responses, presumably due to the “out to get me” mindset, James R drops one ad hominem that I know would have been particularly painful to Sarkus.
While I don't believe there is any reason for James R to have known the details behind it, or the specifics as to why it would have hurt, he should have been aware that his comment, his ad hominem, had the potential to be so hurtful, given the subject matter of the thread they were in at the time.
It was, as Sarkus said, “clumsy” by James R (by which I take to mean an acknowledgement by Sarkus that there was no intent, but hurtful nonetheless), but despite that there has been no apology (and James R even later lied about what he had said (post #13), which wouldn't have helped).
Anyway, that was the point it went downhill fast, at least on Sarkus’ side.
Could Sarkus have handled it better?
Of course.
Walking away from James R’s behaviour would have been the best course, in my view.
And even before that James R should not be engaging at all with someone he considers only engages with him in bad faith, but if he does engage then not in the manner he did.
From that point on, they are both at fault.
It takes two to trash a thread (usually James R and a.n.other, or maybe that is cognitive bias on my part).
I’m not saying that nothing of what was subsequently said had merit: in my view the “list” that Sarkus put together was not created out of thin air, for example.
My solution to it, however, has been to walk away (mostly).
To Sarkus:
James R won’t change, even though he claims to be open to criticism: the same criticism has been levelled at him for years, by numerous people, and there has been no change, so why think there will ever be any?
Why push so vehemently against a firmly locked door when you can just find another room.
To James R:
If you engage, assume good faith.
That should be a fundamental standard of discussion.
If you can't bring yourself to assume it, don't engage.
Period.
Now, who’s got the application form for this “gang”?