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birch

Valued Senior Member
I have learned the hard way through naivetey that when other people complain to you about their relationships, it's best not to get involved, offer personal opinion or give advice, because if taken, you most likely will be blamed if they decide later that was not the choice they wanted to make.

If you don't offer your opinion, then you can't be blamed and all decisions will be on the other. Not that one deserves to be blamed anyways since no one put a gun to their head but that is people for you. No good deed or at least intention goes unpunished it seems.

Big mistake to get involved. The thing is even though people may complain looking for sympathy, often they really don't want to leave or they may actually care for the person and if you get involved, you could eventually be seen as the evil villain in the middle trying to break up a relationship even though you don't really care either way.
 
A friend of mine was having a minor disagreement with his wife and I made a comment that sort of agreed with her. He asked me, "Why do you always side with her?"

I told him, "Because I know you're eventually going to give in. If I take your side now, I'm going to be alone on your side by tomorrow."
 
Most cases, yes. Better just to listen, with perhaps a few questions for them to consider.
There are instances when conscience requires a definite position.
If a friend is being abused or endangered, I would have to warn them. Worst case, they do get hurt and I won't have done enough to prevent it - but at least I'll have done more than nothing. If a friend is about to make a fool of himself, or destroy a good relationship with a stupid action, I'd have to try to talk them out of it. And if a friend were doing something really wrong, like cheating on a loyal spouse, I'd have to confront them.

I once warned a friend who was about to make a terrible mistake. They went ahead anyway and didn't talk to me for three years. Can't say I missed that friend very much - especially coupled with that other person. Can't say I was overjoyed when the ex-friend showed up to whine about the marriage collapsing.
Sometimes, though, you get to keep your friend and help them, too.
 
birch said:
I have learned the hard way through naivetey that when other people complain to you about their relationships, it's best not to get involved, offer personal opinion or give advice, because if taken, you most likely will be blamed if they decide later that was not the choice they wanted to make.

If you don't offer your opinion, then you can't be blamed and all decisions will be on the other. Not that one deserves to be blamed anyways since no one put a gun to their head but that is people for you. No good deed or at least intention goes unpunished it seems.

Big mistake to get involved. The thing is even though people may complain looking for sympathy, often they really don't want to leave or they may actually care for the person and if you get involved, you could eventually be seen as the evil villain in the middle trying to break up a relationship even though you don't really care either way.
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Probably a good policy in general.
 
why be friends with people who are looking to blame you for their own mistakes ?

and.. if you looking for moral equity to find some balance in yourself.
do you not give advice when they ask on other subjects, like what type of car to buy, or what a jacket/dress/ hair style etc... looks like on them.

your loose application of personal preferance becomes void if the nature of your interpersonal relationship is voided by their will.

"what should i wear?"
"im not answering you because your just going to blame me for feeling crap later on in the night when you decide you would like to have changed your clothes half way through the evening"

is that a healthy functioning relationship of honesty ?(maybe healthy & honesty is not important, maybe only 'functioning' is the important thing, i try not to judge, but if someone asks for my judgement and they are a friend, im going to give it)
 
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