ThazzarBaal:
I get your position, and you may or may not be off base. Violence ... Violence begets violence, learning discipline and correction is another matter.
You are demonstrating that violence begets violence. You have said that you were beaten as a child, and now here you are believing that beating your own kids is a good thing. You have absorbed the message that beating up on people who are smaller and weaker than you are is an acceptable thing to do - so much so that you actually think it's desirable.
You suggest that type of disciplinary action results in domestic violence and abuse. I'll suggest abuse begets abuse and so on.
You yourself are a case in point. Apparently, you think that being physically violent towards your own children is good for them. It isn't. It might make you feel good about yourself (which I would say is fairly screwed up, in itself), but it certainly won't make them feel good about you. Think about how you feel now about the parent or parents who beat you when you were a kid. Is that how you want your kids to feel about you when they are adults?
We learn how to live via how we've been treated and parental actions help determine that type of mentality.
Yes. Abused people are far more likely to end up as abusers themselves. The worst abusers of all tend to be those who have suffered the most abuse from others. Childhood experiences are formative, although not completely determinative (thank goodness).
For example: We learn as kids that it's ok to drink alcohol. What we sometimes fail to learn is moderation and self control.
Being beaten up is unlikely to teach moderation.
The goal of discipline is to learn self control, both as parents and as children.
"Discipline" is a poor euphemism for trying to excuse abuse.
I myself am not opposed to spanking a child. I'm not opposed the slapping a child's hand.
You're not opposed to beating a child with a home-made weapon. In fact, you're in favour of it.
I'm not opposed to allowing a negative consequence in later years to illustrate the purpose for a rule, given the child is the disobedient type without enough discernment to know better.
Labelling a child as a "disobedient type" is essentiallising what may be a fleeting characteristic or behaviour. If you constantly tell a child they are bad, worthless, useless, you can be sure they will internalise that. Perhaps, later, they will recognise you as the abuser you are, but they will carry emotional baggage regardless.
It is appropriate for parents to teach children that their behaviours have consequences. That does not mean you need to abuse them, physically or emotionally.
Although jail time is unpleasant, it's sometimes necessary...
We don't put children in adult jails. Most of us understand that children are not adults. We understand that children are developing a moral understanding of the world, and that they will make mistakes while they learn. To treat a disobedient child like you would treat an adult criminal is barbaric. Note: even in adult prisons, corporal punishment is outlawed, at least in the more enlightened nations of the world. Almost everybody agrees that torture is unacceptable.
It's important enough for enough parents to choose it and to be hated for it by those they love most than to not discipline in this manner.
You are assuming that abuse will lead to the outcomes you desire. But then, at the same time, you admit that you know it won't. It seems like you're quite mixed up when it comes to this.
Wouldn't it be better to break the cycle of violence you were brought up with, rather than perpetuating it on your own, helpless children?
It's not something we typically enjoy, but then sometimes we do.
You need to work out why you want to beat your children. If it's really about
you - that
you enjoy exerting power over those who are smaller and physically weaker than you - then you have a problem. You would probably benefit from talking to a professional psychologist or psychiatrist to try to get to the roots of why you enjoy hurting other people, so you can stop yourself from doing it. What you are doing is wrong and harmful. First and foremost, I am concerned for your victims, of course, but staying the way you are is also damaging to you, and will have long-lasting negative consequences for your future relationships if you continue this way. No doubt, you have already experienced some negative consequences from these habitual behaviours of yours.
Why? Because we know that it helps curb unwanted behavior.
All you're telling us, it seems, is that you think it's fine to try to shape the world to make it in accordance with your own desires, through violence. Fortunately, there are laws that help to keep society at large relatively safe from you. It's shocking that you choose to prey on the most vulnerable, possibly as some sort of twisted compensation for not getting to have your way with violence in a more general sense.
The other choice, as in the example you gave, is to leave home and allow them to experience life without that type of parental influence.
If they are being regularly beaten by you, they will be far better off without your physical presence.
As adults that choice is ours, despite the harsh reality of life without an abusive spouse. Which is better?
You've lost me. Are you now saying that you think it's okay to abuse your spouse, as well?
Runaways are nothing new in this world, nor are abused spouses.
Are you telling us that you'd rather have your children and spouse ran away from you in fear than you losing the joy your get from exerting your power over them through physical abuse and/or the threat of that? You sound like a deeply damaged individual.
